Do you make yourself ‘hard to meet?’
Many of us do! Why?
Read through this blog post I received recently from Seth Godin:
True connection is a frightening prospect.
When you are seen by someone else, really seen, it hurts even more if you’re
ultimately rejected. When we connect, we make promises, buy into a
different future, engage with another, someone who might let us
down (or we might let them down).
Far easier, of course, to do something more shallow.
A friend on social media is not like a friend in real life.
And so, we sit at dinner, browsing on our phone instead of connecting with
the person across from us. Because the phone promises instant gratification,
an exciting dopamine hit, and plenty of faux intimacy.
Which is great as far as it goes, but no, it’s not the same.
I’ve seen what he’s talking about here–we opt for shallow instead of really ‘seeing’ someone else. I talk about this in my The Uncanny Power of the Networking Pencil book. Part of the reason we don’t want to really ‘see’ someone is the rejection issue Seth mentions above, however I believe a greater tension is that we are so focused on ourselves that we have a hard time ‘seeing’ others as human beings–it’s out of our comfort zone.
I’ve recently seen surveys that are showing that we, as people, are becoming more isolated from each other then ever before & it’s attributed to our ‘screen time’–that time we spend engaged with our screens instead of with each other.
Relationships (connections) can hurt; but we need them as humans. We crave the intimacy we can have with another human and search it out–albeit, sometimes in inappropriate ways.
Love hurts! (you now have that song floating through your head for the rest of the day) But, having true connections; connections that care about ‘you’ are so worth it.
Don’t misinterpret here–I’m not saying that every connection you make will become an intimate type of connection, but just think of how many of your connections you are holding at arms length because you don’t want to be hurt or are so focused on ‘you’ that you don’t even ‘see’ them for who they are. Those connections we make online are much easier to disengage or ignore when we want to. When we are in a face-to-face situation and make a new connection, and you feel a bond with the person, what do you do with it? Ignore it or develop it? If you’re not at the networking event to find true networking partners, then who are you looking for?
NEWS ITEM: Fake intimacy is everywhere–bonds are much harder to break!
Don’t lose out on a possible great connection when you feel a bond with them–it’s the environment where real intimacy lies. Next time, when you feel that bond, ask the person to have a cup of coffee sometime (Success hint: set it up on the spot or you won’t) and explore how they may become a true ‘results-oriented networking partner’ with you. Notice I didn’t say ‘for you’ in the last sentence; it’s ‘with you’ because it’s a two-way street and some you feel a bond with, you will desire to help.
Don’t make yourself hard to meet by ignoring what you’re hearing from the other person. If you listen to them, you very well may be on the crux of making a new friend who will help you in many ways.
BONUS TIP: Make sure you’re on top of the three devastating mistakes most networkers make while networking. If not reigned in, they can totally ruin a relationship before it can develop. Email me and I’ll send you my paper on the topic.
EVENT ON THE HORIZON: Keep an eye out for the next round of my Networking Extravaganza’s. I’m preparing one in Medina and Canton, Ohio for the fall of 2017. Also, preparing for one’s in Akron & Strongsville, Ohio for the beginning of the year 2018. There are still some ‘Hosting’ spots open–if you’re interested or would like to know what it means to host, please email me here and I will get you the information.
Hope to see you soon.
ONward, Bob Arnold
If you’re not a member of “Bob’s Pencil Points” blog, click here to join. Periodic glimpses into the deeper world of networking. One new connection for you is worth more than you can imagine.
As an author, networker, and architect, Bob simply believes in and has seen networking make phenomenal changes in people’s lives and businesses. Check out Bob’s story.